Zeus, Casanova and Modern Medicine – or Why It Never Works as Expected

Zeus and Casanova have a lot in common – but they are myths. I’ve posted about this in different ways a couple of times.

The Starting Point

The mind of too many people is as in a cage. They have learned what is expected of them, what is considered ‘good’ and ‘bad’, what is expected behaviour.

They try to comply to the rules. At the same time, they have yearnings, or urges. Popular movies as well as a certain kind of science, at least the widely published one, seem to confirm certain beliefs that have become popular since patriarchy came into being, so basically, since the advent of the big religions whose main premise is:
there is only one god, and ‘he’ is male.

Male vs Female Lust?

Based on this premise, many ideas have become common knowledge, not to say understanding. And ever since the feminist movement has made clear that women are equal, even superior in some ways… the idea also was commonly and widely accepted: in passion or lust they on the one hand would be – or are – more energetic. On the other hand, they could just as men would, have a passionate relation without ‘love’ being involved – just as easily.

This little phrase, so quickly written and even said more quickly, is the damnedest misunderstanding, not to say falsehood, that ever came into being among mankind….

Thinking it Through

Why?

Well, again, as I like to do, I’d encourage anyone interested to really think it through:
Where does passion start? In the loins?

No!
That’s one of the most dreadful mistakes yet: it does start in the mind! In the brain. With human imagination!

How can that be? Isn’t it a bodily reaction? Do not all those researchers of medicine tell us – and have at least for decades – that it is ‘just’ our hormones reacting?

Hmmmm…. But, I say, as answer, if that was true, how could it be that people so often need more than just a little ‘helper’ to get excited?
How could it be that people so often seem to ‘feel something’ – but the day after is grey and full of a certain emptiness?

Because, our good and well-meaning scientists of the order of medicine themselves forget (at least until recently) to get ‘cause and effect’ into order!

Some, who know a little more about these matters, mostly psychotherapists and -analysts, have learned what is really at the heart of all of it: just that, namely, the heart!

The Steps Involved

The explanation I like to offer here in the form of steps taken, is as simple as possible and should convey the meaning:

  1. A person, man or woman, starts thinking nice and soulful thoughts about another.
  2. The other person is either in the room, and looks nice and soulful – or they are an image in the mind.
  3. The person who started thinking in the first place, begins to embellish thoughts and ideas with more images…
  4. Fireplaces may be involved, scarce clothing, dark hidden corners, secret places, sunny and almost deserted landscapes, etc.
  5. Now, what happens? Their heart starts beating, the breath begins to quicken, the eyes to shine…
  6. And this is the point where not much more would be needed except the object of desire to be present.

NOTE:
Whatever is involved as regards place, location or time of day: the person or persons imagined in it are usually just as excited as the (day)dreamer!

The Beating Hearts

And that is the core of the misunderstanding: people disregard this tiny and yet so crucial detail in their (day)dreams:
‘two hearts beating as one’!

That is why anything else tends to end in a kind of practice for gymnasts: something goes missing…

If this continues, and these imaginative people, who stop thinking too early, and constantly hunt for that ultimate experience believing in the idea I mentioned above, namely, that it’s ‘only the hormones’ – they will be disappointed over and over again.

Belief – or Truth?

Some will resign to their (imagined!) fate:
and live the rest of their life in the belief they had missed out on something, since it seemed to come true for others…?

Those others will feel more and more emptiness, need more and more stimulants, because they pretend to the world and to themselves that all is as it should be.

Be brave! Be true to yourself! Even if at first only in private! (So as not have to admit to it….)
Unfortunately, in this day and age, especially men very often are even laughed at by those who seem to be the impersonation of the ancient mythical god Zeus, purportedly the first Casanova in European culture:
have any woman at a wink…
and live a passionate and fulfilled life. It may have worked for Zeus in the tales, because he was a god; but it will never work that way with human beings, because they are less – and more:

The Gods’ Envy

A famous fairy story is that of the gods who envy humans their ability to love. The two gods start to play a game, placing a wager, by using and setting up a man and a woman. The game fails, the wager between them comes to nothing, because: humans can love…

And: it didn’t even work for Casanova, really. The objects of his desire quickened his pulse every time – and, remember, ‘swaggering’ is an old, widely known and well-loved method of boasting; but it does not necessarily contain many truths….

So, again, I encourage you, whoever you may be, reading this, man or woman, be true to yourself, to your heart: and find the truth.

Love – Life – Marriage – Passion

Love is not an adventure – but a journey.
Passion is not a function – but a person.
Marriage is not a commitment as in: prison – it’s a decision.
Romance is not a fleeting idea from fairy stories – but heart and mind of a person.
Life is not a sandbox and games – but responsible behaviour – and a ‘Yes’.

One of Those Questions – Love in Triples?

It seems that in long-term relationships for all kinds of reasons people can forget about passion and how it might work…
Sometimes it’s not so much the ‘forgetfulness’, but reasons outside of their strictly personal ideas have made them come together, especially: marry.

For thousands of years mankind has been wondering and does every day, if passion must not fade, naturally, after some time.
I am not sure if I am the right person to answer this definitively, but in my opinion: ‘no’.
I am a romantic and I believe that with patience and knowledge and the right setting more things are possible, than “are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio”, as Shakespeare has Hamlet say in the famous play.

A lot of people seem to feel that the solution lies in the triple: have the long-term partner to share life with – and the second ‘love’ to share passion with. Little vignettes may swim to imagination’s surface, painting the life that way in rosy, passionate and separate colours…
Interestingly, almost no one takes the time to think this through… Man (and woman) is not a machine, a function, but always a unique being, a whole of mind, soul and body.

So, shortly put: triples do not work in love.

Be that as it may, this little clip from one of my favourite movies gives a nice answer to that question, that is not definitive, on the surface – but makes you wonder in a good way…

Passion, Love and the Lush Side of Life

There’s a lot of literature and acquired knowledge among all of mankind about love and its multiple manifestations. Art and crafts as well as the theatre and also the movie business, newspapers, marketing, sales, you name it, they all depend on it. How? Well, one of its aspects is sex, as we call it in modern times. And sex sells. Also, and again: Why?

What is so powerful that everyone is always talking about it with relish, craving it – and more often than not – not ‘gett’n any’, as the streets (the popular slang) have it.

Someone on a TV-show called it by a simple formula: ‘sex is life-affirming’. There’s a lot of truth in that. Many people, especially in modern times and men even more often than women suffer from what Erich Kästner had called ‘lack of emotion’. Business is everywhere – and in business any passionate emotion can be bad for it, because a buyer might conclude there’s not enough confidence in the product, so perhaps better not buy.

So since passion is reduced to rare occasions in life, so since we all grow up, especially in Western civilisation, that being calm, cool and unaffected is the state of mind to go for,  passion ‘goes out the door’.

Of course, there’s the tradition also, that stems from times when being an ‘unwed mother’ was damning to a woman’s reputation, condemning her to a life in poverty, even on the streets. When  religion was known to affirm that bodily love, which I find a much better term for it, was a sin. Freud freed us of that. In the West. Since the 19th century, with the advent of emancipation of women and finally the arrival of the birth control pill it seems today we should be at a point where it’s clear, easy and as natural as it should be. Or not?

Still people wonder, what it is that can make it so hurtful (as the song has it, ‘love hurts’). Especially since the modern ‘freedom’ of ‘sex of when, where and as you like it’ has created a heated atmosphere that seems to blur the essentials.

There are two of them at least: there’s lust and there’s love. And yet – to try and completely separate them from each other is practically impossible. Alexander Lowen created a whole science around the comparatively new Western realization that body and mind are indeed no two separate entities, but rather closely related, intertwined as it were. Which is to say that what happens in our brains, the mind, is crucial for love or lust. That whatever happens in our for our bodies, is reflected in or even caused by stimulation of some region of the brain. That even the most simple words can create a whole volley of bodily reactions, remembering an experience, a taste, a fragrance, recalling images – and suddenly the pulse starts to race. What happens in love, even if it is the bodily love that is not based on deeper emotions, the ‘being in love’? The heart beats faster, cheeks flush, the temperature rises, the blood rushes through the veins, we may become almost breathless – and desire, if we are lucky, can be overwhelming. But it is to this day underestimated, especially among and for men, how deeply it can touch us, and soon. If we live as if there was no emotion, no ‘heart’ (and I mean not the organ here, in the strict sense), an emptiness, even aversion of human beings, life in general can follow. And many of those who set out to ‘break all women’s hearts at a glance’ wake up one day to find that something went missing on the way. The most wonderful literature has been created around this, refer to Tolstoi’s ‘Resurrection’ (with a religious motif at the centre), Pushkin’s ‘Eugen Onegin’, a lot of Shakespeare’s tragedies as well as his comedies, of course, W. Somerset Maugham’s ‘Of Human Bondage’, to name only a few distinct and special instances. And movies, of course: there’s no end to the stories, a ‘love interest’ is known in Hollywood to spice up the even most atrocious action picture. Very special I consider to be ‘Eat Drink Man Woman’, ‘Monsoon Wedding’, ‘A Stranger Among Us’, ‘Age of Innocence’, on a lighter note ‘Love Actually’, or more recent ‘Hope Springs’. Also to name only a very few. And to be continued almost ad infinitum.

Passion and love have been likened to fire in most languages spoken around the globe – and for good reason. Fire warms us, it lets us cook meals, it emanates a light that’s warm and comforting and even led the way, when there was no electricity used. Without its energy in some regions of the world man would die. On the other hand, we all know how dramatically deadly it can become at a moment’s notice: a spark flown into the wrong direction, a fire caused in hot and dry season in the woods, blazes in buildings, streets or whole cities destroying and killing everything in their way.

Love can be the same: warm, wonderfully passionate and fulfilling, hot and quick, or slow and smooth. It can quicken the pulse to see the loved one, makes everything shine with a new light, and happiness fills mind and body, every fibre. On the other hand rejection, in a passionate love, separation, loss – can be deadly literally – or emotionally. There’s actually a condition in medicine associated with this now, the ‘broken heart syndrome’ recognized as a manifestation of bodily symptoms.

Remember: there’s no body without mind – because without words and imagination that kindle the spark, there will be dust and ashes, only.

So first and last, do with passion and love, your heart and your body, what you do with fire, too: ‘handle with care’.