Category: dignity

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Communication and Culture: Writing, Talking, Listening… – Tolerance can be Key

Image of two women and a man from different cultures, sitting in a public place and friendly talking and listening to each other
Image by Grand Ath Thariq Kusmara Gustav from Pixabay

“You just don’t understand!” – That’s the title of a book by a famous social sciences researcher. She writes in a manner everyone can understand about the difficulties that can arise when men and women talk to each other. It’s focused on the US-American, that is, to some extend Western society and culture.

Most of us know how different and thus difficult to understand the approaches and outlook on life can be between the sexes.
Even more so, when there are similar ideas around, living and working together, where expectations are yet different in detail.

The outlook, the perspective on life, and other people can be a crucial key to understanding each other.

There are people with a quiet and withdrawn everyday behaviour. Who think for themselves, take longer to finally speak about their thoughts; or exchange ideas.

Others rather like to talk soon to someone of like mind.

‘Like mind’: Wonderful words, in some ways.

The person who understands us without any drama or long discussions. Makes us feel welcome and at ease. Accepted. Because we understand each other easily, due to similar outlooks.
Like minds.

There is yet another very interesting and yet basic difference in communication between so called high-context and low-context cultures:

    • “High-context” means not so much a measure of better quality – it means that in order to properly understand what is said you have to know body language.
      The non-verbal messages that come with the words, the talk.
    • “Low-context” too, is not a measure of lower quality – it means that almost exclusively words are regarded as the whole ‘message’ of the speaker.  Facial expression or gestures are almost not taken into account. At least, not knowingly.

I have seen both: People who register every tone of voice or the lifting of an eyebrow in order to ‘decode’ the message.
And those who don’t. At all.

I also know how easily we all are mistaken in judging others: The famous story of the man with the hammer by Paul Watzlawick, a leading figure in communication studies, in his even more famous book: “The situation is hopeless but not serious” is ample proof of that way we all have at times to interpret others – willy nilly:

The man decides he needs to lend a hammer from his neighbour, thinks a while, remembers all kinds of apparent recent snides and strange looks, concluding a grudge, the other is harbouring against him – when he eventually reaches the door of the neighbour’s house, rings and the neighbour opens, screams to his face:
“You can well keep your hammer to yourself!”

Things can become more subtle than that, though: When we live in a close-knit community with some strict ideas on how to behave – it can happen that we become intolerant towards others.

A wonderful concept that can help a lot to more peace and peaceful coexistence:
“Tolerance”: “willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own, although you might not agree with or approve of them” (Cambridge Dict., online version)

What can make tolerance so difficult is the fact that we so often are raised with the silent premise of: “if you are not for you are against me” – The unspoken effect inside being even a (temporarily) shaky self-confidence:
We look for someone to confirm our uneasiness, or our hurt feelings. To feel we are not wrong. But right, in feeling insulted or even hurt.

This ‘comes with the territory’: Many of us get a basic idea of ‘right and wrong’, sometimes strict parents or elders raising us with those ideas. And no explanations of – or more subtle views on – the how and the why.

Or the even less-easy-to-grab concept of being right – and the other person being right too… in their view of a situation.

That we will not lose a point or our position, our dignity, ‘face’, when we acknowledge the other’s perspective to be understandable.

But, that is the starting point of more peace and understanding:

Practicing tolerance.

Starting to learn about perspectives and (apart from legal or ethical considerations) about diversity of beliefs, outlooks – points of view.

And still retain our sense of self-esteem.

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Pick Your Battles – Or: Focus on Strength

Image of woman on mountain top before sunrise
(Image licensed via Adobe CC)

I have posted about wars. This is about the smaller ones in everyday life. We can make an issue out of every little thing. Sometimes, people will misunderstand it if we don’t. I had to fight a lot in the course of my life. I learned one thing for sure:

Many things can become big, even huge in the eyes of the world ‒ or our own ‒ if we make them that. Fighting is proven to ‘take it out of you’: You can become angry, even furious once you have chosen the issue. You start an argument, perhaps. Things even may escalate into a full-blown conflict that rages for years.

And for what, really? So often we will come to realize that a lot of things are not worth the energy, because:

Fighting saps one’s strength.

I am not talking about becoming angry ‒ and letting off steam. That’s important in a healthy way and done safely in order to not hurt others.
But fighting?

Fighting takes it out of you, the effects can become really dangerous to our system. Because, the way we deal with anger or even frustration is something we can learn ‒ and manage. So much in life depends on how we look at it. Strong emotions are part of our mindset ‒ that is also: part of how we evaluate what happens to us.

The first flush of anger may be involuntary ‒ but after that, it’s a choice. To save health and nerves and keep frustration at bay.

Because, also, so often looking back, we may regret unnecessary fights, especially with people we like or love.

That’s why I make it a point in my life ‒ and a plea here for all who are wondering: Pick your battles. The next one may be really worth it.

 

Author’s Note:
I write about such things because I learned early in life how easily we all tend to make our life difficult or even hurt the other’s feelings without meaning to. Misunderstandings too, are easy.  I have a strong background in workplace psychology, among many other fields of interest, be that history, philosophy ‒ or politics. I also have come across many misjudgements in life ‒ in private life or in business.
Enlightenment is a philosophical approach and subject ‒ to me it is essential to understand ‒ and make understood.

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Social Media – Faked Images and Mobbing – Politics … and People’s Reputations

Image of a room in a cave with a comfortable bed, jungle plants and sand as well as wooden planks on the floor, clearly being made up by digital tools
Suggestiveness… – Image by ALEX from Pixabay

The other day I came across another rather shocking fact in a documentary: The faked and montaged images of a female reporter who was close to exposing damaging truths about a politician: Even before AI, putting a face with any image of a body found online or offline in a photograph, was not uncommon – or unheard of.

These days politicians such as somebody like Brazil’s former president Bolsonaro – who is close to other right-wing politicians such as Trump – are frequently turning to smear campaigns with falsified evidence that mean to destroy credibility or reputation of the targeted person.

I think too – rumour, legend and truth should actually be differentiated with care.
Just as in former times, when printed tabloids, or even earlier ballads were sung on street corners, supported by huge drawings, made for sensationalism.

In this digital age it’s easy and fast to ‘make it up’… in every sense.

Don’t underestimate people’s suggestiveness in regard to ‘sensations’.

And if you would be interested in the truth: Check the facts and your sources – carefully.

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When Politicians Start Behaving Like Immature Boys in a Sandbox: USA, Ukraine, Russia and the ‘Pride’ of Males

When men start ‘impressing’… (Images licensed via Adobe CC)

When you look at children playing they already repeat the sometimes age-old patterns of the patriarchal societies we live in: “When you start touching my sandcastle, I’ll kick yours…!”

“Why? Because…!”

It’s that thing about boasting, bragging and hitting the chest, just as apes do…

Whenever in history was it helpful or really effective to use threats of war? Usually it will just end in war!

How ridiculous can you get these days? Especially someone like Trump, who was raised in a place that calls itself a military school, not to say an academy, West Point…

I beg your pardon, ‘dude’, but if you didn’t get what tactics should have taught you, you are wrong for that job anyway!

Do you really and truly believe that you will get Putin to relent this way?

Or is this one step into yet another ‘deal’ to sell more weapons?

That is Putin and Trump, as per precedence (s.a. 2016 elections, where Putin had them manipulated in favour of Trump)* getting together behind the scenes – and having a ‘ball’ at our expense…?

Well, there’s a thought: Do not buy into their wars.
This strange entity called Trump is known for and even proud of making ‘deals’ that way: He creates a background of scares and fear and threats – and then tries to move in. But then, apparently he suffers from ADHD anyway…

Unfortunately Putin in Russia for reasons of his own would not be where he is today if he was ‘got’ that easily – assuming that what we see in front of cameras is not just a …

Big stage performance…

 

*Note: Since then the Washington Post has been acquired by Jeff Bezos, founder of amazon and has become completely unreliable.

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Thinking it Through from the End – Or: Where Do You Want to Go? – Or: Nothing in This Life Worth Having Comes Easy…

Collage of four images that show a person traveling, a finish and a start line and a pin pricked into a map someplace
Images licensed via Adobe CC

The principle is as old as mankind itself: When you want to get somewhere, you need to know two things, basically: Your finish line – and your starting point.

PEACE is some goal…

When it is a problem to be solved it is important to not just get a hazy idea of some problem or issue… a clear idea of the true problem is vital. Since, trying to find a solution without the clearly identified problem is pointless and a waste of time.

In other words: To get a clear picture of reasons for people doing something – or a system failing, you would look into history: Because it can help to find similar situations you can learn from.

And: Nothing in this life worth having comes easy…but that’s no reason to despair, but: “Keep at it – and remember about the breaks.”

We have come quite some way, in general!

In the past, people for centuries actually found it a great pastime to visit public torture and public hangings!
That has stopped.
In most countries around the world the death penalty has been abolished!

The most simple principle in that respect I have mentioned too, already:
Whatever you colour, creed, or conviction, you are not supposed to either kill, torture or bother other people. Period.

So, again, our goal as societies that have learned a thing or two about communities and responsibility – most, if not all of us yearn for peace: For peaceful coexistence. For more mutual understanding.

People in power these days once more seem, at the moment at least, have begun to realize that they are not just powerful for their own fun – or into the bargain; but that they carry the responsibility for exactly that kind of thing with them, each and every day:

    • Keep the goal, the ultimate finish line, in focus.
    • Start thinking it through from the end.
    • Get proper counselling.

Remember that you are not alone on this planet and that your ‘powerful’ existence as such would be pretty pointless without all the others around….

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Pressure, Pride, Dignity, IAEA, USA and Iran: Diplomacy and Negotiations follow Rules – ‘Learn How to Ask for It…’

Image of a peacock proudly presenting his tail feathers
Image by Julia Grabowska from Pixabay

Since the dawn of time, one might say, diplomacy and negotiations follow rules. Iran and its people have every reason to be proud of a culture that is thousands of years old. Painting, drawing, poetry, music, hand-knotted carpets renowned throughout the world, cuisine…you name it: Wherever you look, it is refined and unique.

In addition the culture and tradition also make for certain rules of behaviour in terms of dignity and pride to be observed when negotiating. At least the more experienced generations of diplomats in the West might still know about them. Many were well-known for centuries over here too.

Recent foreign politics initiated by a person called Trump who is president of the USA again, introduced his favourite way of ‘making deals’: Put the pressure on, bully, scare, and get what you want in the end.

Mr Trump never was one for subtleties, not really well-known for tact or refinement – so far.

I actually wrote to the office of the president a while ago. Perhaps they will care to talk to proper counsellers yet.

One thing is for sure: Iran is well aware of the achievements of its culture and history. They have self-confidence enough to value their dignity. They will not stoop to pressure or scare tactics.

“Weapons of mass destruction” – that was the phrase and apparent reason former president Bush used at the time to attack Iraq; where oil also exists in abundance…oil, yes. That kind of weapons, so it turned out: no.

The contracts with Iran had been there! Uranium enrichment control had been negotiated among others with the former president Barrack Obama, over a decade, actually. Trump cancelled them. Do we call that a ‘smart move’…?

If all of the people and organizations concerned are really interested in getting anywhere with this, start treating Iran as a country and equal opponent. Stop treating them like a wayward child.

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‘Power-games’ – The Camera Front and Background Deals – Pressure Attempts and Diplomatic Dignity

Image of an empty room with cameras in front pointing towards it
Image by Andy Leung from Pixabay

There are enough people who know that Trump is not to be trusted. Neither is the statement about ‘just’ wanting to destroy the Uranium enrichment facilities in Iran. Nor the ideas in relation to tariff raises for all and any countries outside the US. That’s blackmail, pure and simple.

To start a war on a country to pressure it into deals is extortion.

Even inside the USA people protest against his politics.

As far as Iran is concerned, I wonder how it is possible that almost any diplomatic respect and rules for negotiation have apparently let go?

Since when would you try and pressurize or scare a whole country into a certain position, when before you yourself made negotiations impossible?

Trump cancelled those contracts that had been agreed upon between the US, EU and the IAEA after 10 years of negotiation!

Is it really feasible that any country – how about the US? – would take it like a scared animal, run, hide and then concede anything?

If you do not know yourself and human beings you cannot possibly understand others. Understanding the other, your opposite at the table, is crucial in order to negotiate.

Again I want to remind us all of the 30-Years’-War in Europe during the 17th century: It was not only a long war, with a number indicating that – it took actually 30 years and it left Europe devastated and devoid of more than 50% of its population; whole regions were left waste and destroyed.

The common history and latent memory of humans make it one of the dreadful periods of time. It took years to end that war!
Negotiations were conducted again and again.

Finally, they were successful.

The same way the first agreements about Uranium enrichment control between Iran and the parties concerned took 10 years!
It was the height of irresponsibility to cancel those contracts!

Years later, a country under threats from all sides is moved into a position that leaves almost no way out…

People, start thinking: This is no way to handle that country and its situation!

Iran, for all its internal politics of cruelty and suppression, with reason is proud of a rich and thousands of years old culture and tradition, much older than the Islamic religion.
Additionally, they are used to natural disasters and foreign potentates from all sides attacking that country just for its rich soils, and huge amounts of oil and gas. They had to learn resilience and it has developed into a fine art, basically.

Starting a war can only end in dreadful consequences and more lives lost, yet.

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CEASEFIRE between Israel and Iran – Negotiating has Age-old Rules – Time for Patience, Wisdom and Knowledge

map of Iran and Israel and their flags showing upright stuck into the map
Image licensed via Adobe CC

For hours now the ceasefire has been declared. Israel and Iran have stopped attacking. Negotiating is the next step.
To think that all of this could have been prevented, had not Trump cancelled the contracts with Iran on Uranium enrichment control, is almost inconceivable.

Trust is something that has to be built and be confirmed in private as well as diplomatic relations. Not just once. But continually.

That US-president Trump now starts to position himself as the great saviour is only again true to form: ‘Make it up, say it often enough, some of it will stick.’

Iran is, due to its tradition of thousands of years existent long before Islamic times, a country with ample reason for pride – and knows resilience in the face of adversity only to well.
They will never stoop nor give in – or up – but stay the course to the end, if necessary.

Iran is by itself a country not only rich in culture and arts, it is also rich in oil, gas and soils which practically beckon outside powers to try conquering. They did that for hundreds of years.

The present government in Iran rules with cruelty and suppression internally, that is no point of discussion or even a question.

But there is more to be lost if the idea should be to (mistakenly) meddle with internal affairs of the country. It seems that some sensible counselling has been going on in the background now.

I would wish with all my heart that one day Iran finds its own strength to generate a more free and similar to democratic ideas wielded government and society.
It will not be a copy of Western societies, most probably, but according to the country’s culture something special, fitting its customs and traditions.

Over all of this we should remember too, that the people in Gaza still are suffering. Reports are most tragic and there should be put an end to the reign of someone like Netanyahu, who apparently does not see the limits power should impose on its holder.
That he is so friendly with Trump, beyond the tradition of special support of Israel by the US,  is no wonder.
Yet:
At the moment signs are more hopeful.

War is no destiny! Neither is it inborn to mankind. It does not happen overnight, especially not in these postmodern times.
Let’s remember that.

Human beings have wonderful potential for peace and coexistence.

 

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A Great Soul, a True Visionary and Fine Human Being Dies: Pope Francis — Rest in Peace

Image of Pope Francis in Prato
Pope Francis in Prato — Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons, date: 10th November 2015

Pope Francis was a thinker and a man of the people. The ‘pope of the hearts’ he has been called. A great soul has died today, after a long period of ill health and sickness.

When he became pope I felt for the first time for many years that there was still hope for the Catholic church. I was raised a Catholic and since have widened my ideas.
But the actual basis to my mind, the gospel and thus the idea of neighbourly love are some of the most fundamental truths and ideas to carry us through life, and indeed hard times that you can find.

Pope Francis knew this — and lived by it more than many of his predecessors, the respective pope of the Catholic church in the course of the past one hundred years.

Billions of people live by this creed, Christianity and Catholic confirmation. The Vatican statistics of 2024 state that across the globe the number of Catholics actually increased.

Whatever your respective confirmation or creed may be, Pope Francis deserves a special attention and mention as well as high respect for his achievements.

He “brought the church back to Earth” — the well-deserved tributes paid him are perhaps comprised this way best.

Rest in peace — requiescat in pace — a great soul, human being, and true visionary.

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“The Silent Majority” – The 100-People-Rule

Image of many figures like pieces in the blue dark, one of them in red and highlighted standing out.
(Image licensed freepik.com)

In former times it seemed to be a matter of course to talk about the ‘silent majority’. And it also seemed to be debatable: Did it exist?

These days we know: It does!

The statistics you get from business departments such as support, online and offline, confirm:

For any person letting a company, an organization, or platform know about their issues or problems or worries, there are around 100 silent ones who do not speak up. Some are too lazy. Some are too busy. Some are just too self-conscious, don’t dare to draw attention to themselves.

Whatever the reasons may be: I also know from actual experience how often people in everyday life underestimate the universal facts of human life:

Emotions, feelings, worries and also joy so often are felt very similarly. Yet, very often also people don’t know about that and therefore feel disconnected.

Sharing helps: Experience, emotions, and thoughts. And my blog is one place where I like to share for exactly that reason. To help and to spread perhaps a (little) light of understanding.

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