Category: authenticity

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Always Cool, Calm and Collected? – or: When Sensitivity Meets ‘Iron Man’

Two images showing a man running from water, biking and doing a run on the street, in a triathlon and a large canvas in oil, with a male hand holding a brush to it as if painting.
Images licensed via Adobe CC, my arrangement

‘Iron Man’ is the name for a triathlon considered to be the hardest to stay the course or win, of all, annually taking place on Hawaii. Thus the name. Yet, as so often is the case, there is more to it than meets the eye: To be an ‘iron man’, a hard, muscular ‘hero-type’ of man seems still to be an ideal especially for men to attain.

What can easily be forgotten is the other side to human existence: The finer senses. The fact that human beings do not just consist of a number of muscles to be trained and displayed and used in a competition.

Humans have brains and hearts. The heart showing by beating faster, breath going stronger, what we feel and what often if not always starts in the brain: Emotions, passion, fear, joy, or excitement.

Those who say they are never afraid, are either dumb – or they lie. (NB)

Fear is one of those emotions that is never to be expected of the ‘iron man’, the hero, the ‘guy’. Always be cool and calm and collected, that’s the way to go – in patriarchy.

A comedian some years ago put it like this, too:
“Anything men ever did in the course of human history was done to attract females.”
I believe he may be right…

That mistaken idea even some women still retain today – heroism showing itself like this: that men never should be sensitive, afraid, or vulnerable, is a great pity and a loss to our world.

Because many a hero was born for fear of being considered ‘too weak’. And the mistaken run for that ultimate goal, the ultimate ‘iron man’-medal can result in figures such as Trump or Putin: More power, more ‘say-so’, even inducing more fear in others.
To ‘cut a figure’, as the old phrase so nicely puts it.

I think that two things deserve our attention much more:

    • The men that actually take it on themselves to have a family and care for them. Teach their children that a man is more than just a ‘six pack’…
    • In general, face our prejudices and presumptions with some courage – and start to realize that neither men nor women ‘need’ to match all those  criteria so often part of the cheaper type of movie or advertisement:

Always ‘cool, calm and collected’, always ‘happy, healthy and wealthy’… is just too much to expect.

Let’s start to be more human again. Although these thoughts and ideas have been raised before, being different, being an ‘artistic type’, or just being sensitive, still too often is considered unusual.
And still to this day the ‘hounds’ are called and let loose on those who represent in effect about one quarter of any human community: People very aware of the finer senses.

In other words as well: Let’s teach tolerance* to our children and grandchildren, respect for all those trying to make the world more colourful, interesting or just a little more joyful.

 

* “tolerance noun (ACCEPTANCE)

willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own, although you might not agree with or approve of them”
(Cambridge Dictionary, Online version)

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How to See With Your Heart – People and the Common Denominator – 1 Among 100

Image of a heart shape and a head and brain shape, in red and blue respectively, in front of a black background.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Connecting… To others, feel connected and welcome. The basics of human existence, the basic needs and sorrows and joys.
Knowing about them inside yourself makes your ‘heart’ ‘clairvoyant’: You start to see the other’s pain, their joys, their sorrows, you understand – and you can relate to them in new ways – and find new solutions to old problems.

People are like icebergs, rarely is everything visible at once. It’s a fact that we all know to be true, at least more or less: Especially in business, it’s a common idea that one should be always competent, never make mistakes…, always be fit and never lack enthusiasm. Perhaps even smile, if you can, to show that you are happy.

That means many people, even if half-consciously, behave that way; because we learn early in life from our surroundings, namely parents, family, friends and later kindergarten and school, and so on.

But sometimes people start realizing at some point that there is “more to it than meets the eye”.

Human beings have fine sensors especially as children about what is accepted behaviour and what is not. Therefore starting with early childhood they adapt to what is expected. Thus culture and personal background are decisive aspects of what makes for the personality you meet one day around your workplace. And the personality you are.

The hidden emotions and less accepted tendencies, a yearning, to fulfill an inner need for something else – love perhaps, passion, adventure – can be strong. The self-control usually is too.

Looking Beyond the Image

If we take into account that any culture in this world imposes limitations on people’s behaviour which are basics for that self-control preventing them from speaking up – we will start to be able to look beyond the image. Relate to the true human being behind the business personality.

Daniel Goleman in his bestselling book called it “EQ”: Emotional Intelligence, the ability to realize the emotional side to any human thought and reaction. He states it clearly that science did eventually prove what has been part of literature, music and stories for as long as mankind exists:

Emotions are the basics and central. Without them we become incapable to decide – anything.

That’s how heart and brain are connected – in a nutshell.

Statistics show too that 1 among a 100 people will speak up or contact someone when they have a problem or an issue. Therefore, looking at the small numbers in this respect can be crucial.

That’s why I use this blog to post about perhaps unusual subjects – to some of my readers. In the hopes that one or the other of them finds realization and perhaps even consolation in the fact that they are not alone with those thoughts, ideas or puzzles of human existence.

Understanding our emotions and relate to others better that way, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry put this way in “The Little Prince”:

“Here is my secret. It is very simple: you only truly see with your heart.
What is essential is invisible to the eyes.”

(Reused my own material from previous posts.)

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Trump, Venezuela, Oil, the Weapons’ Industry, Power and… the Sad and Cruel Story of a US-President

Picture of woman running along a street in Venezuela
Screenshot of the news item on New York Times website, taken at 03-01-2026_12-15-05, local time, UTC+1

Today the US strike against Venezuela and its president, Maduro, has been reported. Again, the same patterns repeat: Venezuela is known for oil and gold; additionally, the latest government there was not one to easily stoop to US-influence or orders…

And Donald Trump’s ‘star’ in the US was sinking fast the past couple of weeks, if not months. Now he emerges apparently strong and – additionally – some weapons storage places have been lightened of their burden to make room for more.

“Selling it for all it’s worth.” Sensations make the news. Even here. All one can do is hold back and ignore.

Except when cruelty and plain aggressiveness and greed reign – once more. This has nothing to do with heroism. It’s pure cover-up and greed. Perhaps even desperation.

Shame, shame, shame: Shame on you, Donald Trump and all who are with you. Using money and inherited influence, cruelty and greed to make the headlines.

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Prejudice, Perspective, Pride and Presumptions – or: The Surface Only?

Image of a bridge and some weeds growing through the iron grill parapet, with a glass sphere reflecting the image upside down.
Image by WorldInMyEyes from Pixabay

“Perspective is Key.” – “Pride and Prejudice”: The latter is a novel by Jane Austen, one of her most famous ones. Jane Austen was a lady and writer and wrote about what she knew best: The life of the landed gentry in early 19th century England.

The title encompasses a lot of what gets in the way of people knowing each other well, especially in formal surroundings, these days most often business.

The prejudice we grow up with or develop over time. A blunt example: People wearing black beanies are at least doubtful in character, perhaps some sort of outlaw – or even criminals…

Or: People laughing may be lacking in respect and subordination in a business context…

Or: People wearing comfortable shoes and clothing (especially women) are of a certain orientation in their private life…

Or: Italians are always passionate and easy to smile and make jokes, and like celebrating and joyful activities… whereas people in North European countries tend to be gruff and a little lacking in social graces…

Really?

Try meeting an Italian at night on a lonely road… or on the other hand North Europeans when you ask them for help – or around a fire on the beach with a guitar…

Stereotypes are often a misstatement of possibilities that have been generalized – too often, too long.

And they also can easily be abused to stamp a group or an individual with the sign of a brand, sort of: Difficult, avoid…

When in actual fact it’s the misogyny, or hatred of the other (better…??) principle, the person that might be considered a threat to ones position – or the simple envy of a (perceived) advantage over ones own existence.

Images and perspective are key, in so many respects.

That’s why checking your sources carefully can be crucial, not to say of the essence.

So much suffering, pain and useless effort are delivered and spent in regard to prejudice.

My father used to put it jokingly, and in plain irony:
“Those are the types that will not have their prejudices spoilt by fact.”

The way out of such pits of misery and their pitfalls? Since, misery is the real result of such thoughts and sometimes ensuing deeds:

    • Find out about your own true self, all the good things and skills you own. The self-esteem.
    • Try and change perspectives on your life and your peers now and again, even if for fun only and see what can happen, at times…

There’s joy and the good, lighthearted laughter in that.

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Change – Humans – Time or: The Very Human Element

image of a globe in the night sky, with a large group of people on ground in shadow standing in front of it
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Change is a big word in business sometimes. I believe that we may feel tempted to expect fast and smooth changes in people every day, led by ideas in some pamphlets or flyers or even books or consultants… that say:
“If you do X and Y you will get there in no time.“

The thing is:
People don’t change fast or by a click. And that has its reasons too: When you are grown up you have seen parts of life even when still young. The more mature you grow the more you know that people need time.
That changes grow – a little like fruit on a tree: That takes at least months.
And animals, when you watch them you will find that they grow up and mature in some years.

Now, people?
We have complex brains – so they tell us (- ‿◦ ) and that means also that we start thinking about consequences at some point. The more the merrier… and additionally the history of mankind did prove that embracing the unknown, the new, the strange, could lead to dangers, even loss of your live.

So, what happened?
In essence people are ‘conservative’, in the true sense of the word:
They preserve the things that did prove reliable at least, and good in the past. Because that makes you feel safe. Secure. And more relaxed.

If change needs to happen in business it’s a good thing to calculate with that ‘staying power’ humans have.

A power that can be endearing and very necessary. And that can be overcome by patience, perseverance – and with very good reason(s).

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Life: Past, Present and Future or: ‘Stocktaking’

young man in home office looking thoughtfully at his laptop screen
Image free license courtesy freepik.com

In life and in families things often become difficult. Involved.
When times are good, it seems easy to be graceful and acknowledging. Giving. When times are hard and have been for some time, perspectives may change.

‘Stocktaking’ is the term for doing a check on goods in a storage room or business, originally. But it is often applied to the recall, the active review on memories; or of course, the present times: What seems hard to endure. What seems especially unjust or unfair in a lifetime, compared.

Probably sometimes that little word ‘compared’ is crucial:
Comparing myself and my lot to others.

Mostly when we feel unjustly dealt with, we compare ourselves, our hardships, to people who seem well off. Happy. Relaxed. Always in possession of what seems to make life easy, nice and ‘cool’.

What we tend to omit is the other view: Compare our lot with so many others that are off much worse.

It’s not always helpful right at first, when we may feel overwhelmed by taking care of relations. Having children. Taking care of sick people. Of the terminally ill.

And it is also crucial to find ways of relieve in such times!

It’s been proven that people in caring professions such as medical doctors, nurses and people in health care are particularly apt to suffer from burnout.

In families caring for the sick and elderly too can be underestimated, or having children. Too often an ideal of an angelic figure roams the fairy stories and concepts of motherhood, especially, which is far from reality.

Some Hollywood movies as well as some kinds of TV-serials or advertisements can strongly suggest it, though.

Mothers and other people are just human beings. They can make mistakes. They can feel overwhelmed.

They can feel underestimated. They can feel tired to their bones.

I have seen people in other cultures who still understood through generations of large families with more than 8 or 10 children and grandchildren in each thread that what humans are, is not perfect.
That life can deal you hard ‘decks’, without any responsibility or fault of your own.

That’s what we need to understand, to further mutual understanding:

    • Very often we are not at fault, when things go wrong.
    • We cannot possibly be perfect, because that’s not human.
    • When the chips are down, we may need help.
      • To ask for help is good. We may have to learn that, again.
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War and Peace: Patriarchy in Full Swing – When the Image of ‘The Man’ and Apparent History Get in the Way of Reason

‘A real man’, ‘a hulk’, ‘the hero’, ‘the fighter’ – the words and phrases are numerous, sometimes there seems no end to the ideas of what men should be like.

“Always cool, calm and collected.” “Women and children, the sick and the elderly to be saved first.”

What does that do to men’s minds? To some, at least, raised with the full brunt of this concept?

That a man is to be powerful, reigns the creation, the earth, and everything in it – including women.

‘His woman’. ‘His wife’.

For centuries that was understood: A woman is her father’s and later her husband’s ‘ward’, in modern terms that was in effect the legal ruling. She did not own anything, even when she worked or inherited money.

Comfort. A fine word. It evokes all kinds of images if we come to think of it. And men so long had to be the providers. Providers of food, shelter and – comfort.

Because, this indeed can be too much: Because, indeed, this is not human!

Every human being feels lonely at times, yearns for closeness, warmth and comfort.

But men are supposed to feel and be always superhuman? Strong, knowledgeable? The last resort?

It’s not possible to always feel that way. But when no one tells them so – how would they know?

And sick minds can be born by the almost schizophrenic concept: Be kind, understanding and calm. But also be brutal and a fighter and always in control of the situation.

Schizophrenia is associated with sickness. But at the outset it means a ‘divided brain’. Thinking and feeling are at odds. And if that cannot be resolved, we find cruelty and (near) madness in deeds and – online activities…

Let’s remember that war is just a phenomenon based on this image. Based on the idea of sovereignty and wealth being the most important and most attractive traits in a man.

These are images, concepts and they are not human. We do not need images. We need human beings in this world.

War is no solution. War is not destiny. War is not inevitable. War is not in our nature.

Conflicts are. But they can be solved if we really want to.

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“One Swallow Does Not Make a Summer” – Or: How To Judge – or Not…?

A table in a laboratory sowing several tubes, small glass bottles and testing equipment for chemical substances.
Image free via freepik.com (no AI involved)

In science you make a rule from thousands of occurrences of the same phenomenon… if it is the same. There are strict rules for creating new or even corrected rules in science. The same is true for the law, legislation and courts of law: In order to be sure of what you do or say, you have to be very careful of your facts, and your witnesses, if any.

That’s why in everyday life you meet so many people who judge often based on – almost nothing: One day, one situation, one occurrence, even a chance correlation of two events – and ‘lo and behold’ they make up a story about people, a place – or they pass judgement.

It’s easy that way: Passing judgement, on others. It makes you feel fine(r) about yourself. And you can stop worrying about your own shortcomings…

Well, it depends, of course. Because not everybody is the same.

Even the bible, a book full of wisdom, if you know how to read it, has that, already, Matthew, 7, 3:

“3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” (King James Version)

“3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (New International Version)

There’s the idea that two events occurring at the same time can be made into a story… such as a stork flying across the sky while a baby is born… Makes it – what?

“Storks bring babies…?”

Are you quite sure…?

Drawing of a smiling stork flying past carrying a baby inside a folded cloth in his beak.
Image free via Ecosia filtered search, Creative commons
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Quiet vs Talk? – Talk and Quiet!

Sunset at a lake, with a pavilion shape against the sunlight, providing a sense of calm.
Times can be tough, I have seen many and gone through a lot of such times. I still consider myself lucky, in many respects.

I find that talking can be overestimated. But so can quiet. As has been said similarly elsewhere:
there’s a time and place for everything.

Sometimes we talk to others in order to exchange ideas, or information.

Sometimes we talk to others to feel close by being understood and listened to.

Sometimes we talk to others so we can make the heart’s burden lighter, or to let off the steam of anger.

Sometimes we talk to others to clear up things or answer questions.

But often, there’s nothing of the above necessary. We are at one with ourselves and our emotions and ideas.

In such times, being quiet can be the order of the day. Know that our near and dear understand.

In hard or sorrowful times, a good cry can help. Or letting off steam by punching something…

Hugging near and dear helps.

Work helps.

And laughter helps. Always.

(First published in 2021, reposted.)

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Never Assume or: Appearances Can Be (Very) Deceptive or: The Art of (Not) Judging Your Peers

Image of a blue natural crystal stone, grown into a multi-faceted shape.
Image by Alana Jordan from Pixabay

Knowing your fellow man – or woman. In theory it is easy: Just talk to them – or look at them and you know. Right?

Wrong.

We only understand and really recognize what we have seen before. Of course, there are universal truths. Yet, there are also differences in detail.

They depend on experience. On discretion someone may have learned in the course of a lifetime…

I for one for example have learnt to be very careful with what – or whom – I talk about. Usually, that is.

So easily people actually jump to conclusions.
In those conclusions there are just as much ‘wish(es) father to the thought’ as the quote from Shakespeare goes; as well as ideas based on often culturally or individually dependent views and perspectives involved.

So, a wolf would expect a wolf to behave like one. Yet, when there’s a sheep inside – or a fox maybe, or a hare, or a squirrel, or a bear… or a bit of all of them:
What is the conclusion then?

When we want to know about people the first order is: Patience!

Although many of us conclude about basics of another human being inside of seconds, we still should keep an open mind:

So often, appearances can be deceptive.

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