authenticity – Nina's Homepage

August 26, 2025August 26, 2025

Communication and Culture: Writing, Talking, Listening… – Tolerance can be Key

Image of two women and a man from different cultures, sitting in a public place and friendly talking and listening to each other — Image by Grand Ath Thariq Kusmara Gustav from Pixabay

“You just don’t understand!” – That’s the title of a book by a famous social sciences researcher. She writes in a manner everyone can understand about the difficulties that can arise when men and women talk to each other. It’s focused on the US-American, that is, to some extend Western society and culture.

Most of us know how different and thus difficult to understand the approaches and outlook on life can be between the sexes.
Even more so, when there are similar ideas around, living and working together, where expectations are yet different in detail.

The outlook, the perspective on life, and other people can be a crucial key to understanding each other.

There are people with a quiet and withdrawn everyday behaviour. Who think for themselves, take longer to finally speak about their thoughts; or exchange ideas.

Others rather like to talk soon to someone of like mind.

‘Like mind’: Wonderful words, in some ways.

The person who understands us without any drama or long discussions. Makes us feel welcome and at ease. Accepted. Because we understand each other easily, due to similar outlooks.
Like minds.

There is yet another very interesting and yet basic difference in communication between so called high-context and low-context cultures:

- “High-context” means not so much a measure of better quality – it means that in order to properly understand what is said you have to know body language.
  The non-verbal messages that come with the words, the talk.
- “Low-context” too, is not a measure of lower quality – it means that almost exclusively words are regarded as the whole ‘message’ of the speaker. Facial expression or gestures are almost not taken into account. At least, not knowingly.

I have seen both: People who register every tone of voice or the lifting of an eyebrow in order to ‘decode’ the message.
And those who don’t. At all.

I also know how easily we all are mistaken in judging others: The famous story of the man with the hammer by Paul Watzlawick, a leading figure in communication studies, in his even more famous book: “The situation is hopeless but not serious” is ample proof of that way we all have at times to interpret others – willy nilly:

The man decides he needs to lend a hammer from his neighbour, thinks a while, remembers all kinds of apparent recent snides and strange looks, concluding a grudge, the other is harbouring against him – when he eventually reaches the door of the neighbour’s house, rings and the neighbour opens, screams to his face:
“You can well keep your hammer to yourself!”

Things can become more subtle than that, though: When we live in a close-knit community with some strict ideas on how to behave – it can happen that we become intolerant towards others.

A wonderful concept that can help a lot to more peace and peaceful coexistence:
“Tolerance”: “willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own, although you might not agree with or approve of them” (Cambridge Dict., online version)

What can make tolerance so difficult is the fact that we so often are raised with the silent premise of: “if you are not for you are against me” – The unspoken effect inside being even a (temporarily) shaky self-confidence:
We look for someone to confirm our uneasiness, or our hurt feelings. To feel we are not wrong. But right, in feeling insulted or even hurt.

This ‘comes with the territory’: Many of us get a basic idea of ‘right and wrong’, sometimes strict parents or elders raising us with those ideas. And no explanations of – or more subtle views on – the how and the why.

Or the even less-easy-to-grab concept of being right – and the other person being right too… in their view of a situation.

That we will not lose a point or our position, our dignity, ‘face’, when we acknowledge the other’s perspective to be understandable.

But, that is the starting point of more peace and understanding:

Practicing tolerance.

Starting to learn about perspectives and (apart from legal or ethical considerations) about diversity of beliefs, outlooks – points of view.

And still retain our sense of self-esteem.

August 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Pick Your Battles – Or: Focus on Strength

Image of woman on mountain top before sunrise — (Image licensed via Adobe CC)

I have posted about wars. This is about the smaller ones in everyday life. We can make an issue out of every little thing. Sometimes, people will misunderstand it if we don’t. I had to fight a lot in the course of my life. I learned one thing for sure:

Many things can become big, even huge in the eyes of the world ‒ or our own ‒ if we make them that. Fighting is proven to ‘take it out of you’: You can become angry, even furious once you have chosen the issue. You start an argument, perhaps. Things even may escalate into a full-blown conflict that rages for years.

And for what, really? So often we will come to realize that a lot of things are not worth the energy, because:

Fighting saps one’s strength.

I am not talking about becoming angry ‒ and letting off steam. That’s important in a healthy way and done safely in order to not hurt others.
But fighting?

Fighting takes it out of you, the effects can become really dangerous to our system. Because, the way we deal with anger or even frustration is something we can learn ‒ and manage. So much in life depends on how we look at it. Strong emotions are part of our mindset ‒ that is also: part of how we evaluate what happens to us.

The first flush of anger may be involuntary ‒ but after that, it’s a choice. To save health and nerves and keep frustration at bay.

Because, also, so often looking back, we may regret unnecessary fights, especially with people we like or love.

That’s why I make it a point in my life ‒ and a plea here for all who are wondering: Pick your battles. The next one may be really worth it.

Author’s Note:
I write about such things because I learned early in life how easily we all tend to make our life difficult or even hurt the other’s feelings without meaning to. Misunderstandings too, are easy. I have a strong background in workplace psychology, among many other fields of interest, be that history, philosophy ‒ or politics. I also have come across many misjudgements in life ‒ in private life or in business.
Enlightenment is a philosophical approach and subject ‒ to me it is essential to understand ‒ and make understood.

August 11, 2025August 11, 2025

Social Media – Faked Images and Mobbing – Politics … and People’s Reputations

Image of a room in a cave with a comfortable bed, jungle plants and sand as well as wooden planks on the floor, clearly being made up by digital tools — Suggestiveness… – Image by ALEX from Pixabay

The other day I came across another rather shocking fact in a documentary: The faked and montaged images of a female reporter who was close to exposing damaging truths about a politician: Even before AI, putting a face with any image of a body found online or offline in a photograph, was not uncommon – or unheard of.

These days politicians such as somebody like Brazil’s former president Bolsonaro – who is close to other right-wing politicians such as Trump – are frequently turning to smear campaigns with falsified evidence that mean to destroy credibility or reputation of the targeted person.

I think too – rumour, legend and truth should actually be differentiated with care.
Just as in former times, when printed tabloids, or even earlier ballads were sung on street corners, supported by huge drawings, made for sensationalism.

In this digital age it’s easy and fast to ‘make it up’… in every sense.

Don’t underestimate people’s suggestiveness in regard to ‘sensations’.

And if you would be interested in the truth: Check the facts and your sources – carefully.

August 5, 2025August 5, 2025

People, the Cucumber, Business and Emotions: EQ

Picture of a tree inside a red heart shape, outside the heart shape a white, snowy landscape — Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

“Cool as a cucumber” is a phrase used to describe a frame of mind that often is considered helpful in business. Or in negotiations of any kind. Actually, I don’t agree altogether. The short version: I like humans better than cucumbers….

The longer version: It’s been proven by scientists that it is really impossible to ‘separate’ human beings from their emotions. That is, our emotions are always part of our daily existence, even when there’s no passion involved and so they might be ‘staying’ (and feeling…) ‘low’. Undetermined.

Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, science author and journalist in 1995 first published his book on the subject, “EQ – Emotional Intelligence” that also was a New York Times bestseller for a year.

He makes it quite clear that when you try to decide for example, your emotions on the matter are crucial: Due to brain research, and actual brain surgery results it has turned out that without emotions we are unable to decide. Certain parts of the brain being removed and thus unable to feel, people will retain their knowledge, their skills, but become unable to decide…

Emotions are the central part of human life.

There’s a fine old story these days considered to be for children, a so-called poet’s fairy story, “The Cold Heart“, by Wilhelm Hauff. It is about a young charcoal maker, Peter, who wishes to become rich and respected. Two fairy creatures in their way help him along. On the way one asks him to relinquish his heart as payment for riches provided.

Peter asks if taking his heart out of his body wouldn’t be harmful, or actually kill him. The wizard tells him not to worry since he as a magic being would be able to do it without harming his body in any way. Afterwards he would be free of that annoying something in his breast always starting to beat at odd times…

Eventually the young fellow awakes and finds himself rich, richer than anyone around for many miles. He travels, enjoys life being respected by many, eventually marries a beautiful young woman.

But whatever he does, there’s no joy in it. There’s no sorrow either, no regrets. Nothing, just a sort of emptiness.

The story has a happy ending.

At the same time it is a fine tale about human life and the most important aspects in it.

And it makes clear in so many words, written even as early as the 19th century, how central our emotions are to our life:

A warm ‘heart’. That’s why I prefer humans to cucumbers… ◕‿↼)

June 5, 2025

The View on Things and People — Perspective or Judgement?

Photo of lighted glowworms in a forest clearing at night — Image by Yuri from Pixabay — Glowworms at night

Perspective is another word for a view on things — or the world. Our view on the world can be mutli-faceted — or rather singular.
It depends on how we grow up, what we see and learn – and how we learn to deal with people and things — and how to judge them.

What now? ‘Judge’?
I am just thinking here, you might say.

Of course, in a broader sense, judging is what we do when we determine our view on something, or somebody.
In many cases what we see and hear is what we go by.

But blind people for example will tell you that going by your visual impression alone can easily lead to mistakes.
Equally, deaf-mute people will tell you that ‘going by’ the sounds or words spoken will easily lead to mistaken impressions.

But if that’s so easy to mistake what would you ‘go by’ then?

It needs an open mind and it needs patience. Neither people nor things can be judged quickly — although many people tend to do that — and a good understanding comes with time — and knowledge.

A very popular example is the reported reaction of a group of deaf-mutes watching the former US president Clinton when he spoke on his relations to the young lady that eventually caused his resignment from office: They smirked and laughed out loud until asked what was going on? And they answered: “But he is lying, it’s so obvious…”

Whatever the reason or the occasion, if we want to make this world a better place we would want to check our view — our judgement — of people as well as situations carefully.

May 29, 2025May 30, 2025

Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder — And How Does It Get There…?

Images of a world map and historical buildings as well as a clock to signify history and its perspectives — Images licensed via Adobe CC

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” — it’s so simple, really, but true. When we look at something or somebody we will be looking with ideas of what to expect. Of preferences.
Of Fashion.
Our dependence on being ‘fashionable’. ‘In’.

I was raised on the idea that being your own true self based on the basic values of a community was preferable to being ‘popular’.

There were also times when the typical bullies were coming after me… I was very young still and it took me quite some time to realize what was at the bottom of such behaviour.

Something that grown-up bullies retain in other ways.

But how about beauty? Isn’t it universal, especially these days?
All around in movies, on TV and the internet you see people advocate or advertise that being thin is ‘beautiful’.
And at the same time, being beautiful or ‘attractive’ seems to be most important.

Many people equal ‘being beautiful’ with ‘being lovable’. That to my mind makes for a lot of unnecessary pain and unhappiness:

As long as you judge people form the outside only — the ‘cover’ as it were — you will stay there — on the outside… superficial.

But in life the real things are connected with our minds, our hearts and the body.
So, if we imagine ourselves being in love for such superficial reasons, chances are that we will ‘fall out of love’ as soon as the ‘paint comes off…’

Beauty is an idea of fashion these days, too.

Fashion is commercialised. So is the Western concept of beauty.
And what is hard to come by can be sold at a higher price.

These days almost anyone can easily be well-fed. Everywhere that concept of beauty reigns, food comes in cheap varieties.
In many countries around the globe that also are ‘online’, being very thin is not that easy anymore.

Result:
The less easily attained appearance of being thin is proposed to be beautiful — and desirable. Thus the associated fashion is expensive. Both hard to come by: The rule of supply and demand applies.

There have been interesting researches into the reaction of more natural communities far away from Western civilisation.

They were confronted with photos of modern fashion models and they were not only stunned…they actually asked if those women were sick and close to dying – for being that thin…?

In former times, a good, round figure of a man or woman was considered desirable.

And people with some experience know too, there is more to it than meets they eye — of the beholder…

Venus of Willendorf (c. 30.000 years old figurine) as shown at the Naturhistorisches Museum in Vienna, Austria, in January 2020. – Wikimedia Commons, picture Bjørn Christian Tørrissen

May 10, 2025May 10, 2025

Cruelty and Violence, the ‘dreadful Sisters’ — Remedy: Real Values: Other than Unlimited Wealth

Image of a father teaching his children by reading books with them - and 2nd image of an open book with two pages shaped into a heart — (Images licensed via Adobe CC, my graphics)

The founding myth of a society such as the US-American one is simple and as follows: Work hard or even harder to get rich — that way proving to all and God that you are favourable to God. Since the rich are God’s favourites.

That value is probably the most damaging and destroying one ever to be posed throughout the history of mankind:
All is fair — that is any means to that end: becoming rich — is good and even fair in God’s eyes.

Religion in general is one way of posing understandable values and rules for a society to live by.
It also fulfils the human need for transcendence, so the philosopher Fromm tells us.

When we are lucky, those rules are not just about limiting everything to a bare minimum — but about the real health and joy human life has to offer:

Combining heart, soul and body in ways that make you smile, like yourself — and thus enable you to like others (more).

And interact with a sense of community so the welfare of all is at the back of people’s minds.

March 23, 2025March 23, 2025

“The Silent Majority” – The 100-People-Rule

Image of many figures like pieces in the blue dark, one of them in red and highlighted standing out. — (Image licensed freepik.com)

In former times it seemed to be a matter of course to talk about the ‘silent majority’. And it also seemed to be debatable: Did it exist?

These days we know: It does!

The statistics you get from business departments such as support, online and offline, confirm:

For any person letting a company, an organization, or platform know about their issues or problems or worries, there are around 100 silent ones who do not speak up. Some are too lazy. Some are too busy. Some are just too self-conscious, don’t dare to draw attention to themselves.

Whatever the reasons may be: I also know from actual experience how often people in everyday life underestimate the universal facts of human life:

Emotions, feelings, worries and also joy so often are felt very similarly. Yet, very often also people don’t know about that and therefore feel disconnected.

Sharing helps: Experience, emotions, and thoughts. And my blog is one place where I like to share for exactly that reason. To help and to spread perhaps a (little) light of understanding.

July 17, 2024August 18, 2024

Stop the Republican Candidate – Vote Democrats!

Screenshot taken from **democrats.org** at 18-08-2024_15-44-37 CEST — showing **Kamala Harris**, Joe Biden and followers

The former president D. Trump running for office again and being part of that party misleadingly calling itself “Republicans” is not to be pitied.

I wonder if it wasn’t a ruse even — that attack. But that is actually not really important at this time. He is neither to be trusted nor is he a good man, or ever was.

His past is full of financial irresponsibility, he actually only recently has been found guilty in a court of law of the United States after a proper action before that court.

He has hurt thousands of ‘little’ people during the 1970s that had trusted him and his enterprise, ruining their existence by taking their money and getting out in time himself.

He was best buddy to president Putin in Russia, who even supported his election the first time using illegal, online measures that have been proven.

Link to the Pulitzer Prize committee‘s official site, stating that fact:

“The 2018 Pulitzer Prize Winner in National Reporting — Staffs of The New York Times and The Washington Post”

Seems he is billions of dollars ‘worth’ — but when you look at his deeds (not his words) you will find it proven, too:

He ist not worth your vote.

Why Democrats? Because although being human and thus not flawless — they are the only ones smart and strong enough to prevent the hell of a second presidency of that Republican sorry-excuse-for-a-man.

Vote for peace and equality.

It’s the Bible even, that says it clearly:

“You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”
(English Standard Version, 2016)