You can easily feel discouraged looking at news these days: People in New Orleans suffer from an attack, numerous people die. The Ukraine-war raging on. The Gaza strip and Israel and Palestine conflicts going on into the 7th decade…
‘What’s going on with people in this world?’, you could ask.
Let’s remember two very important truths:
News are about some aspects of life – but news are not LIFE!
News are often rather sensational, they focus on the dramatic, the ‘scoop’ – because that’s what newspapers and channels live by: Drama sells. (Just as sex does, by the way.)
Courage comes from hope and thus let’s remember:
An African proverb is supposed to run like this:
“If many little people in many little places all around the world do many little things every day, they can change the face of the earth.”
Keep at it – and remember the breaks too!
Know that we are strong, together!
A happy, peaceful and friendly new year to all, with friends and relations – ‘near and dear’ – full of hope and courage!
The times have been dark indeed before. Dark in the sense of tragic and dreadful actions ahead. Not because people were unable to differentiate good from bad. Is it really alright to do anything just for money? Kill, destroy, and then occupy and build with what you have to sell?
Earning money this way: When a country is destroyed completely you have a 100% growth rate in a few decades to come.
And one or the other of those recently appointed to ‘leadership’ in the US may reckon they wouldn’t care too much, since they probably won’t live that long anyway…
Just yesterday a court of law ruled that the legal action against Mr. Trump, president-elect, be dropped for the time being. Since it is about the election 2020 and the proven manipulation of results, this could be the end of it because the statute of limitations might be reached by the time Trump leaves office again.
If he does at all…
The increasing postings online of frightened and worrying ‘brains’ (intelligentsia: people who are well-educated and use their knowledge productively) in the USA thinking of actually leaving a country that has been almost the epitome of freedom of thought and opinion for generations, proves dark times, indeed.
So many signs are there to promise that he will try and become another dictator, similar to Putin’s way to power in Russia… We may not be let go this time anymore.
‘We’, because the power balances in place since World War II let anything the USA and their foreign policies start, have a forceful impact on Europe – and indeed the world.
I still believe that we need to take a closer look at what is gong on at the moment, in politics and especially media:
Be careful to see the signs and stop war-mongering. Stop propaganda. It’s completely unnecessary!
Because, no woman, mother, father, child, brother or uncle deserves to be killed just because a few companies will profit by selling weapons and supplies – and the ones in power are too lazy to do their job properly, keep peace, negotiate – and find better ways of work than weapon factories.
Whoever told us that life is either wonderful harmony – or we will have war? In the sense that you cannot have it both ways?
Da…n and blast to all who believe it! Is it that male (patriarchal) idea that you have to have predominance and prove ‘strong’ by shouting at people a lot? Because that way you establish ‘authority’?
Maybe. But war is not a question of gyms and some old-fashioned training ideas!
The civil society brought an even more wide-spread understanding of responsibility and the preference for peace and calm that let us thrive for a good life and good relations in peace.
Conflicts are a natural part of human life – always were, always have been.
(Cruel) arguments or wars are not ‘natural’.
They are the consequence of a mindset that values predominance and ‘first place’ the most. To force your opinion or your preferences on people is – according to that idea – a sign of strength and power.
BUT – and this is one of those BIG BUTS – it is a question of perspective:
Because anything that causes pain and suffering to many people – and additionally over a long period of time – is not a good thing! Period.
There are many ways out of conflict, some are short, because the conflict is small.
Some ways are long, because the conflict is large.
But whatever it is, if we respect the fundamental human rights we will do all the negotiating it takes, even if years, to avoid pain and suffering. Full stop.
“My way – or the highway?” In many parts of the world we can see people believing that there is only one way – or another. That other people or their behaviour or their ideas are one of two things: Black or White. A duality concept.
In truth, life and situations and people are colourful, like a kaleidoscope. Sometimes, when you are full of emotion, such as anger, wrath or a loving passion, the emotion has no ‘colour’ in the mind — it’s more of a temperature, perhaps, rather cold, or rather hot… and if you would start thinking and getting to know yourself or your emotion(s) better you would find out more details – and start finding words for them.
To think that there are only two sides to a coin is a rather narrow concept. You wil miss out on all the other possibilities – or colours.
Sometimes, when we are very sure that only one way or solution is right — at least for us — we tend to judge harshly.
That way we will overlook all the other — even beautiful — colours, in a situation, a solution to a problem — or a character.
Even peace or peaceful coexistence become easier to find, if we allow for alternatives, see the ‘other colours’, the full picture.
The big idea.
And should you wonder if that was too much bother — you may want to think again: Is peace really so much more difficult, than war — or conflict? And when was it written that the good or the better things always are easy…?
“See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” The three wise monkeys are a concept, an idea, that stems from the Japanese culture. They are a proverbial idea of how to deal with bad or evil matters in human life. When you are raised on the idea that one should be truthful, that denial can be bad for you, you may be apt to wonder.
How is such an idea a good thing?
To my mind it’s two very important points to be considered here:
Words are powerful, they create images in our minds.
It’s not about denial – it’s about focus.
Images in our minds are powerful, as has been since established in scientific research too: They help us keep focus, they can drive our actions that way – and make us feel weak and insecure – or confident and strong.
One technique that also has been advocated for business negotiations and even marketing – is to ‘visualize‘:
Start using what you have learned in terms of ideas and words to actively make up the image of what you are aiming at.
Your next project, a higher level of health – or understanding, in short, some measure of self-awareness or efficacy different from before.
That’s why the idea of the three wise monkeys can help not only focus – they help us focus on all the things that make us strong, confident and positive about reaching the goal. Which does not necessarily mean wealth or power.
The community at large will benefit from such views:
From the idea that you will not listen to rumours which may be even false.
From the idea that you will not direct your gaze onto the bad or worse matters, not focus on the bad things.
From the idea that you yourself will not help either creating rumours or bad ideas – or spread those images.
Words are powerful, in all ways. That’s why focusing on the good is important.
Not because one would deny problems or difficulties or the downright evil – but because they can help to make it better, again.
The image makes it as clear as daylight: What we see is what we think it to be. In many cases. But it’s not always clear right at first what it is we see, exactly.
So, one thing are the facts of the matter.
How we interpret them is the next step. Not only in regard to the actual being: Is it a snake in the grass – or just a bubbling brook?
In general: Appearances can be deceptive.
It is a wise man – or woman – who takes time for judgement. And checks their (assumed) facts before acting.
Of course, in simple cases – let’s say, asking yourself if that egg is really fresh – nothing much is needed to make sure. Yet, better to do so. Or the whole dish will go to waste.
But in terms of situations and people? How easy is it to be mistaken? And to be taken for something you aren’t?
The most tragic occurrences of such grave mistakes are miscarriages of justice. People sentenced to years of prison, yet proven innocent years or even decades later. Or sentenced to death and executed. The newspaper reports and movies on the subject run to hundreds if not thousands.
In everyday life just as well things can easily become tragic, if we are not careful with either our facts – or their interpretation.
So, next time around, check your perspective, your facts – and your sources.
Peace and conflict studies have been a part of social science since the 19th century, started apparently in Sweden and were furthered by the US civil war of the 1860s. The basics say that there are patterns to conflicts, the larger as well as the smaller ones.
One thing I learned early in life: Conflict usually starts somewhere and somehow – and if you are not careful, it can escalate and before you know it, things become unmanageable or even unbearable.
My father was what these days is called a ‘coach’. As academic, scholar and a degree in law as well as strong background in psychology he was well known in a large international company: He sometimes told details and explained to us as kids how easily people in offices can get into almost insolvable hassles like Gordian knots that he used to solve with his colleagues, in some cases after years of silence between members of a team.
In private life I observed and suffered from rifts. So, if anyone, I am one who knows. I have read a lot and one thing I’ve learned by studying and my own experience:
Few things in this life are really so big that they deserve angry arguments, conflicts or actual rifts.
Very often it is not so much about the conflict or argument as such – but the consequences. Pride, one of the hardest, immovable and ‘stubborn’ reasons for sometimes dreadful fallings-out, is only one aspect.
That is why I think it is well worth my and other people’s while to think twice before starting – a conflict.
